|Dancing through life|
"Dancing through Life" is my most intimate artwork piece, to date.
This painting is extremely significant to me, as it carries a very private message to myself, which i draw strength from each and every night and every morning when i awake.
The original canvas HAD been illustrated in pencil with a very dark self portrait of me seated crying in my art studio after everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong in my life. I had drawn the original illustration when i was in a very bad place, following the most horendous 18month period of my life. After battling the traumatic effects of our house fire, my own personal health problems, my numerous surgeries, after helping my dad battle with his bowel cancer scare, helping with my mother's relocation to full time nursing care as her dementia escaladed and as i currently dealt with extremely personal issues now, i realised the illustration that hit that canvas reflected exactly how very down i felt.
As i sat there looking at the distressing looking illustration that had emerged from within me, i became both startled and confused, as i really didn't believe my self portrait should look like that!
I suddenly realised that even during all this adversity, i had still managed to grow and develop and that my self portrait SHOULD be an uplifting, joyful painting, not a sad, sorry crying mess.
I realised that I was a positive person, that even though adversity, i still had a sense of humour, and that i still wanted to surround myself with postive experiences. I had lost weight, i was feeling good about myself, and i believed that i was in the best condition than i had ever been in, i was strong and that i deserved better in my life, so i decided that i would not let these events bring me down.
So, my decision to not proceed to bring my original illustration to a completed painting was my breakthrough! I actually chose to no longer be a victim of my circumstances any more, so i painted over the top of it. My conscious decision to "dance through life", is (and will be) very significant, as i approach my 50th birthday in the next couple of years.
This painting will be a constant reminder to myself that i am strong woman, a positive person, that i am a funloving person that people WANT to spend time with, that i deserve to receive love & respect and that i deserve good things to happen in my life and that i needed to stop allowing bad stuff to destroy me bit by bit.
So even while i still battle some private demons today, i do so with the knowledge that i CAN overcome all that is thrown in my direction. This new painting reminds me each morning to seek out others who WANT to share my journey, it will bring me the strength to release those who do NOT support me, it reminds me to surround myself with happy people, to listen and dance to joyful music and to only be drawn to those people and things that are a positive influence on my life, from now on.